My girlfriend and I have been together for just over 7 years. The last 3 or 4 years have really been challenging for us. We have a beautiful little girl together so we have been trying extra hard to keep our relationship fruitful. I found the 5 Love languages quiz for couples online and I thought it could be useful. I’ve actually taken the quiz twice over the past 2 or 3 years so I can definitely provide a valid 5 Love Languages Review.
The numbers don’t lie.
Although I have my own personal reasons for wanting to provide a 5 Love Languages Review, the divorce statistics in our country was a much bigger factor. In the United States, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. The average lifespan of a marriage is around 7 years. Why is it so hard to keep the flame burning? The ability to maintain a long-lasting loving relationship has never been an easy task. I would say it’s even more difficult in this new world where many new forms of media are influencing the way we think and view things.
Who is responsible for the 5 Love Languages?
Former marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman pored through years of session notes to make the determination that couples do not effectively communicate their love. He wrote a book based on the conclusion that there are 5 categories that can reveal a unique approach in how to effectively love another person. The 5 Love Languages has been improving relationships for more than 25 years. Its ideas are simple and conveyed with clarity and humor, making this book as practical as it is personable. His writings are inspired by real life stories and a common sense approach that will teach you to love better and grow closer to you significant other.
What are the 5 Love Languages?
- Words of Affirmation – Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.
- Acts of Service –Doing the dishes could definitely be considered an act of service. Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
- Receiving Gifts – Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.
- Physical Touch – This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.
- Quality Time – In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes you significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
Results from my 5 love languages quiz (couples)
The quiz consists of 30 questions. It reminded me of that game ‘Would you Rather”, because there were only two choices. Definitely my kind of quiz.
Here are my numbers (out of 30):
- 8 – Physical Touch (27%)
- 7 – Quality Time (23%)
- 7 – Words of Affirmation (23%)
- 6 – Acts of Service (20%)
- 2 – Receiving Gifts (6%)
Here are her numbers (out of 30):
- 9 – Acts of Service (30%)
- 7 – Receiving Gifts (23%)
- 5 – Physical Touch (17%)
- 5 – Words of Affirmation (17%)
- 4 – Quality Time (13%)
What do these scores tell us?
The highest score indicates your primary love language – how you really understand your partner’s expressions of love. It’s common to have two high scores (the highest score being 12), although one language tends to have a slight edge for most people. The lower scores in your profile indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don’t affect you on an emotional level in your relationship.
Did it work for me?
I was very satisfied with the results of the quiz. The knowledge i’ve gained from this experience has provided me and my girlfriend with a better understanding of how we can communicate and understand each other more clearly. I printed out our results and made sure she had a copy of my rankings since I was keeping a copy of hers. I truly felt like this new insight was going to help get us back to where we once were.
If you’ve read this far, and you actually want to know where my relationship is now, send me a message at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I hope you’ve found something useful from this post. Feel free to contact me with any comments, questions, or concerns.
I’ve included a link to the quiz below:
In addition, there are several apps related to the 5 Languages of Love. I recommend the “Love Nudge” app.